Almost, But Not Quite Barney
by katieanddiego
Summary: One year after Barney's death, Robin runs into a very familiar face.


**A/N: So here I am, trying to write the next chapter of my other fanfic while listening to Lana Del Rey, and the idea for this comes into my head. It's kinda plotless and basically just a really long ramble but I don't know, ****I guess I just had to let my feelings out :P**

**I apologise for any OOC'ness.**

* * *

Robin opens her eyes, and groans when she realises what date it is.

The one year anniversary of Barney's death.

It isn't even fair, because everyone's moving on but her. Ted had found another girl (according to him, she's a keeper, but then again he says that about everyone he dates), Lily's pregnant _again_ and she and Marshall are too busy buying baby things and all sorts of useless stuff like baby bouncers and toy cows and a t-shirt for Marvin that says "Big Brother" (which she thinks is an awful idea, since it's the name of that crappy tv show that she and Barney used to watch together) and it's crazy because they all have a future while Barney _doesn't_.

Why aren't they mourning like she is? Sure, they were crying and actually sad for the first few months but after that, it seemed like they were beginning to get over his death. Robin would never, ever betray him like that. She knew that he always wanted to be in the centre of attention.

It's even getting to the point where they're "worried about her behaviour", but she tells them to go away (okay, she might have said something much more graphic) and to leave her alone. They think that it's not healthy to stay holed up in her apartment all day long, and that she should go outside and try to move on, even though they "know how she feels".

Yeah, right.

Still, they arranged to bring their laptops to Barney's grave and talk to him and play music and other useless stuff on the one year anniversary of his death, but she refused to go.

She wonders if they're at his graveyard yet. It doesn't seem necessary to go there because he's dead and he can't hear them or appreciate the fact that they're visiting him.

It hurts so much that he doesn't...exist anymore, but she also starts to feel a bit guilty that they're there and she's not.

* * *

At around 11pm at night, it gets too much and she knows that she _has _to visit him before midnight. As she steps outside the apartment, she realises that it's been a whole year since she's gone outside for anything other than work, the shooting range or the supermarkets.

She reaches the cemetery and finds his tombstone. It has his name and the inscription "It's going to be legen- wait for it...". When she dies, her stone is going to be next to his, and it's going to say "dary", because she knows that Barney would've appreciated that.

The others have long gone by now. When she checks her phone she notices a message from Lily sent at around 5pm with the message "u sure u don't want to come to his grave today? x", one from Ted, "Robin, we all miss you. Please come visit him with us. He would've appreciated it.", and two from Marshall, "You havr to come no matter how sad you are! We all miss him too but we're also moving on because that's what he would have wanted! Please!", and "Oops I mean have, not havr".

She can't be bothered to reply to any of them. She sits down by the grave and sighs.

As she traces the inscription with her fingers, she notices another guy visiting a grave as well. He's talking to it in a low, urgent voice, and she feels like screaming "THE PERSON YOU'RE TALKING TO IS DEAD AND CAN'T HEAR YOU, BUDDY," even though she doesn't know him.

But instead, for some reason she tries to talk to him as well. After all, everyone else seems to be doing it.

"Barney. I, er, miss you. A lot."

The guy seems startled when he hears her voice (he clearly thought that he was alone), and turns to face her.

She takes one look at him and collapses.

* * *

"Hey? You okay?" The guy asks. Robin opens her eyes. Even in the dark, she can make out his features. He's tall, with short blond hair and deep blue eyes and his face looks so similar...

"Barney?" She chokes out. He isn't even wearing a suit anymore, but a long lab coat and a big pair of goggles resting on his forehead.

"Who's Barney? You- you passed out or something. Are you sure you're okay?"

She ignores his question (she's also kinda embarrassed because she hasn't done that since the day Lily was giving birth and she made the huge mistake of looking just as the head came out of her hoo-ha), and studies his face more closely.

"You look like Barney," She says, and then bursts into tears.

_What the hell was wrong with her today?_

The guy that looked like Barney awkwardly hugs her and pats her on her back.

"Is that...who you're visiting?" He asks, nodding timidly at the stone.

She wants to tell him to mind his own business, but she's lonely and maybe if they talk, she can pretend it's Barney.

"Yes..."

"Was he your, erm, boyfriend?"

Normally, Robin wouldn't have answered this kind of question from a stranger but for some strange reason she trusts him so she shakes her head.

"Husband..."

"Oh, I'm sorry about your loss. You look too young to have a husband, so I kind of assumed that he was...you know..."

Robin can tell that the compliment was genuine.

"You look like him so much..."

The guy shakes his head.

"He was probably more good looking than me."

For some reason, Robin giggles at that even though she hasn't smiled for a long time.

"But your personality couldn't be more different from his."

He doesn't answer.

"If you don't mind me asking...erm, who are you visiting?"

He sighs.

"Her name was Penny."

"Was she your girlfriend?"

"Not exactly..."

Robin looks at him and waits for him to explain.

"I was in love with her but so was another man and we fought for a while and one day I think I accidentally killed her..."

Robin freezes. _Was she talking to a murderer?_

"I- I never meant for it to happen, I was going to kill Captain Hammer but something went wrong and she died as I was talking to her and now I talk to her every night and bring her frozen yogurt and but I always eat her pot as well because she's dead..."

This guy, this shy, sweet guy who happened to look like Barney, had tried to kill a man? Robin knows that she should run away because he's probably a murderer but somehow, it doesn't scare her that much as much as it should.

"It was all my fault that she died, so now I'm trying to turn her into a zombie." He says quickly. He looks kind of embarrassed. Robin doesn't know if he's joking about the zombie thing so she ignores it.

"If it makes you feel any better, it's my fault that Barney died as well."

Robin has no idea why she's sharing this information with a total stranger.

He looks at her, puzzled.

"He had just learnt how to drive, and we were together and I told him as a joke that he had a stain on his tie and he freaked out and crashed the car. I nearly died as well, but for some stupid reason I didn't, and he did, and I would've done anything for it to be the other way round. It's not as dramatic as your story, but..."

He's a stranger and she shouldn't be saying so much but she can tell that he's hurting too.

"It wasn't your fault." He says quietly.

"That's what my friends say, but I know that they're lying because they always look at me like-"

"I saw some people sit around his stone today. Were they your friends? A guy with black hair, a short redhead and a tall man?"

She nods.

"I talk to Penny every day and night, so of course I get a little bored, and I kinda eavesdropped. They were talking about how much they missed a girl named Robin. Is that you?"

"Yes." She pauses. "They miss me? It's not like I'm dead or anything..."

"But apparently you don't talk to them or anything anymore. Okay, it looks like they miss...Barney a lot, but it according to them, it seems like you've completely isolated yourself from the rest of the world. And Robin's a pretty name, if you don't mind me saying."

"Thank you..." She mumbled. "But I hate it. I'm named after my sexist pig of a father. What's your name?"

"Billy. I used to call myself Doctor Horrible-"

"Why Doctor Horrible?"

He smiled shyly. "...I have a phD in horribleness? But it's just a stupid name and I only used it to join the ELE, but after a while I quit. I didn't see the point in doing anything anymore after she died..."

"Billy...nice name." Robin whispers. She gets closer to him.

"What are you doing?" He asks, but then goes silent.

Even she doesn't know what she's doing exactly, but her lips meet his and soon they're making out and then...and then they're, like Barney used to say, banging.

* * *

Robin wakes up the next morning to find her head resting on his shoulder.

Crap!

Something inside her snaps, and she starts sobbing hysterically. For the first time since he died, she's letting out repressed emotion she's felt and it's so overwhelming and she can't breathe.

Billy also wakes up. He doesn't say anything, but wraps his arms protectively around her, and even though they've only just met each other the night before, Robin feels safer than she ever did around anybody since his death.

"I just had sex with a guy that looked like my husband, right next to his grave, on the anniversary of his death." She whispers.

"It's okay."

"No, it's not! Oh my God, it should've been me who died. I'm the worst person on the planet..."

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am! Damn it, I miss him so, so much..."

"I miss Penny so much as well."

"I can't do this anymore! It hurts more than anything..."

"I know."

"How the hell do Lily and Ted and Marshall cope like this everyday? Oh my God, I can't bear this! Why can't he come back? Billy, I need to join him now-"

"Robin!" He says sharply. She looks at him with tears in her eyes. "No, you don't. Its okay to break down once in a while. You...you can do this without him, okay?"

Robin stays silent. She doesn't know what the hell to do now.

She sits down on the grass with him, gazing into the all-too familiar facial features, and he holds her in his arms.

Robin's world may be a complete mess right now, but as they lie on the ground, gazing silently at the sunset, for a minute everything seems to be okay again.


End file.
